Dateline: 04/01/09.Walla Walla, Washington.
It was announced today that 4th Gear Flyer -- in conjunction with Jarrett Adult Entertainment, Mr. Dirk Inflatable Activewear, legendary Italian filmmaker Michelangelo Antonioni, and the James Brown Memorial Family Trust -- will toss 30 million bucks worth of high octane fuel on the raging fire of mat stoke by initiating a pro mat surfing tour!!!
Huntington Beach will be the very first contest venue, in order to commemorate the 23rd anniversary of the OP Pro riot in 1986. A bikini contest limited to blond white chicks will be a part of the 80's-style festivities, as will a burning police cruiser on the beach! And, to top off the retro-pro-party ... Bronzed Aussie Boys Calenders will be given out free by local motorcycle enthusiasts!
Contestants will be selected from an elite group of mat surfers who have proven their mettle in the water. Should any openings remain after the first contest heats are seeded, hopefuls can throw their name into the hat by wiring $5000 USD into 4GF's Paypal account.
7 comments:
RAGING FIRE OF MAT STOKE is the name of my new rock band.
I just picked up sponsorships from Australian Farm Forestry and Viagra, so i'm ready to shred for the new tour...
PG, you're gonna have to spot me the entry fee, and make sure my new mats have racing stripes and Viagra stickers.
The word "ponzi" makes me VERY nervous...but the band sounds awesome. Any chance you could do the soundtrack for "Slitherin' III", the new mat surf film from BagJuan?
And Jamie, you can count on an invite, just lay off the Viagra before your first heat, OK?
Saving the Viagra and Champagne for after the comp...Tatum's stoked.
It's an honor to contribute to the birth of this new profession. I feel a little bit like the Pyotr Arsenievich Smirnov of mat riding!
People often wonder how many suits we've sold to reach our present level of success. Precise numbers are a trade secret, so let me just say, "Quite a phew!"
Viagra could cause some drag wouldn't it? Or could that be harnessed and used hydrodynamically?
Viagra is the secret to surfing a mat with no fin! I even have names for my various level of drug induced excitement...
"The Sunrise Skeg"
"The Noserider"
"The One Plus Two"
and my favrotie...
"The Thruster"
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