With
three Mat Meets on tap -- two for real, and one satirical -- there's a lot to cover...so let's have at it!
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First up was
UK Mat Meet #10 in the massively popular series sponsored by ukmatsurfers.org. The event was initially earmarked for spots with names like
Droskyn, Porthtowan, and
Fistral. Those words sound more like prescription wonder drugs than surf spots...but, that's the UK for you. Any combination of letters will do, just so long as they're, A) hard to pronounce, and B) impossible to remember!
Grayman was looking very stressed by mid-week, as the local weather forecasts spelled gloom and doom for the surf over the weekend...
But then again, his recent regimen of steroids and HGH may have taken it's toll on his boyish good looks!
In any case, the surf was small, and the turnout was smaller. At one point, they were so desperate to find a ripple, Grayman sent his minions up on the London Bridge to look out over the British Isles for rideable waves!
With no surf on the horizon and stomachs running on empty, the UKMS mob followed time honored British protocol and indulged in what can only be described as "local delicacies."
To cap things off in fine fashion, MM #10 is being "rescheduled" for a later date, rather than have number "10" going the history books as a colossal failure. No reason to water down the memory of Bo Derek on Memorial Day Weekend, is there lads???
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The New Yorkers were up next chronologically, the earth spinning eastward as it often does. Justin Valdes started things off on a culturally apropos manner, tagging the A Train on the way to the beach!
After his arrest, bail hearing and release, Justy finally made it to Rockaway...
Someone went all out, organizing an all-girl marching band, and a cool beach sign, to greet all those who attended...
We're not sure if this reveler is giving the peace sign, saying "Up yours, UKMS!" in Brooklyn-ese, or just pretending that it's already MM #2 in NY. In any case, the backwards sign confused a lot of folks looking for the event. As a result, lot of Non-Matters turned up...
Before they got in the surf, everyone posed for a group shot...
...then they cracked it!
Tim
Tim again...frame grab
Rebecca
Of course, the guy riding the Paipo is named...Matt!
Brian
Justin weighed in with his version of things...
"hey pg!
here are some picks from the weekend. the quiver shot doesn't show too many mats but they were present either in the water or tucked away. as you can see it turned into an everything meet and there was a lot of cross pollination going on.
we had a ton of fun riding mats in the morning when the waves had a bit more umph to them. later in the day we were swapping out gear with all kinds of stuff. lots of grinning and stoke was passed around.
tim darwish has the shaved bald head and is on the nicer close up shots from the rainy morning.
cheers!
justin"
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Finally, out on the West Coast, Charlie Sheen pulled the plug on his few remaining inhibitions, and redefined the concept of "Mat Meet" for the ages!
We met for dinner at a posh West LA eatery for a debrief, and Charlie was in rare form.
"Holy shit! This is some awesome vittles!" Charlie exclaimed.
"So how did your weekend go?" I asked.
"The Lakers are toast, the surf's rat-crap, my supply of Xanax is dwindling, and I haven't discharged a fire arm, indoors, in over a month. Dude...do you think I was ready to party this weekend???"
Seemingly unaware that his 2-million-dollar-a-week salary from
2.5 Los Hombres had lapsed, Charlie had an "over sized" pool built on his property in Malibu...
"The idea for my Mam-orial Day Mat Meet was to attract the largest possible cross section of women to my place for the weekend...you know, so I could try to boink 'em all," Charlie commented in his candid fashion.
"The whole 'Mat Meet' thing was a con, a ruse if you will," he continued. "Mat surfers have such a chickin-shit image, babes drop their guard when you tell them you ride a raft down at the beach during the summer. And when you limit the party-population to women on inflatables, it interjects a bitchin' vetting process!"
Charlie paused to thoughtfully take a draw on his sippy cup.
"For starters, no guys but me were there, so that's a good beginning. Then you have all these chicks who need to blow up their water craft before they can get in the water, and that's an even better second step!"
"Isn't the pool kind of large for the kind of intimacy you were angling for, Charlie?" I asked, like an idiot.
"That's why you'll
always be a kook, PG!!! With 66 million gallons of water to work with, I hooked up with at least 20 women and none of the others knew about it!
"I even married one of 'em, flew to Paris for our honeymoon, came back the next day, and no one knew I was gone!"
At that point I gave silent thanks that Charlie managed to get through one of his "Paris honeymoon" stories without making the comparison between himself and...
"Dude! My new wife thought the Eiffel tower was in our hotel room!!!"
On that note, I think we'll leave Charlie's latest "Mat Meet" for the annuls of lethario history to judge...
This is Charlie...either giving the peace sign, saying "Up Yours, UKMS!" in Malibu-ese, or displaying his "score" for the morning's swim!
