Star Pulse, perhaps the most poignant page in the internet universe, has topped itself by publishing a list of "16 Stars With Texas Sized Egos." Along with slam dunk choices like Arnold Schwartzenegger, Bono and Kim Kardashian, our own Charlie Sheen garnered spot #13!
"Charlie Sheen went off the deep end last year after being fired from his show, Two and a Half Men. He started referring to himself as a warlock, telling everyone he was "winning" all the time and drinking 'tiger blood.' He then had two porn stars move in with him, called "the Goddesses," and went on tour as a one-man show, bombing miserably. His ego deflated a little bit after that, but now that his new show, Anger Management, is one of the biggest hits on TV, his ego is probably growing back to its regular size again."
Without hesitation, we rang up Charlie to see how he was handling the big news...
"Dude! Seriously!" I screamed into my 23 year old big screen flip phone.
"Seriously! Dude!" Charlie responded, obviously overjoyed with the award.
"I guess it's kind of ironic that you've been honored for your ego...and yet you seem surprised and flattered. Wouldn't you just take this honor in stride, since you already know you're so bitchin?"
"It goes with the territory, Bro. The two things feed off of each other. They love me for loving myself, which makes them love me even more...which in turn makes me love me even more. It's a vicious cycle."
"It must be great being you, Charlie!"
"Only I know that for sure. Which is kind of sad."
"Would it be fair to say that sadness is what you're all about?"
"What can I say? I'm a sensitive guy. The pain of others resonates inside me."
"Charlie, you were listed as #13. Any significance to that number? Symbolic of bad luck?"
"That's the kind of snub you get used to when you're on top for so long. I actually thought it was kinda funny."
"Any thoughts on elevating your rating before next year's poll is released?"
"I'm too humble to broadcast my massive ego 24/7, so it's a conundrum. I'd love the recognition, but at what cost?"
"Bono made the list again this year..."
"Granted...but he ranked higher than you. And, he's being listed as a longshot to replace the Pope..."
"See, that's what I'm talking about. 1000 to 1 odds on Bono being Pope. I'm like 3-1 around the set of Anger Management, Thursdays at 9 PM/8 Central on the FX Channel. Outside of Surfmatters, I get no respect from the media."
"Will you be buying any more mats with your 13th place prize money?"
"My awards contract has a clause that says I can't spend any of their jack on booze, hookers, or surf mats..."
"Booze, hookers and surf mats...they know you too well! Any way around that restriction?"
"Well, yeah. They said if they got a picture of me with a shaved head, I could score."
"No way you'd actually do that!"
"No way, Dude!"
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