Jul 4, 2017

Holiday Crowd Hack: Jersey Style!


Leave it to the mat riders of the Garden State to come up with a bulletproof plan for beating the 4th of July surf crowds! The steps are simple, if you have the foresight to plan in advance...

 Get elected Governor...

 
Buy a beachside mansion adjacent to a good local break...


Stretch whatever goodwill you have with your constituency to the absolute limit, insuring the end of your political career and freeing up your behavioral paradigm...




Pick a budget fight with elected officials on both sides of the aisle in the weeks leading up to the big holiday weekend...



Shut down state run beaches the day before the holiday begins...


Take a state-funded helicopter ride to said beach, dressed in civvies to allay suspicion as to your dark intentions...


 Relax on the empty beach with your mat gear close at hand !!!


And of course, relish in the negative reaction from fake news suckers who mistakenly think you did something wrong that you, in fact, actually did do!

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Update, 7/19/2017:

Chris Christie takes in a ball game!

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Update, 7/30/2017

Chris relaxing at the ball park again!

3 comments:

tuskedbeast said...

Oh hell yes! Love it!!

Geoffrey Levens said...

Can I be your Lt. Gov?

Michael Manzi said...

I think Gov. Christie needs to get a UDT.....