Mat Max's Theory of Everything
As I am now suffering a severe existential crisis I am seriously questioning the relativity of things. For example I have seven mats and must employ a double-blind scientific comparison in order to choose which one to ride. Lo and behold, I always make the right choice, because they all work great! The same goes for inflation. Statistical analysis shows that the larger the surf the more air volume is required. And also the smaller the mat.
You don't have to be Albert Einstein to come up with your own E=mc2 Theory of Surfmatting Relativity to make the most of your quiver. The key element to this stunning intellectual inquiry is to have a mat in the first place to experiment with. To sum up my theory on the relativity of things, I calculate that if everyone on Earth bought a 4GF, Gloria and Paul would earn 8,000,000,000 x $360.00 which equals $2,880,000,000,000.00, making them the richest people in the world! Take that Elon Musk, Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos...
So, let's all get out there and convince everyone we know to purchase their own Paul Gross creation in order to drive eight-billion worldwide sales. Everything really is the all the same but different. Thus, now that you are completely confused by this drivel and bollocks like I am, get out in the water, and come up with your own bogus pseudo-scientific rationale for not going to work on a sunny day. Blind them with science!!!
Max
2 comments:
My personal quiver is around 30 mats. Generally 3 magic mats in rotation, a few prototypes and the rest archival. All the same shape, but different materials and types of Sikaflex.
Bendy! With more customers like you PG can reach the goal of eight-billion sales!!! Max.
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