May 22, 2018

Do You Hear 'Standard' Or 'Omni?'



A carefully recorded track of air being released from a surfmat has been circulating on the World Wide Web!

Some mat riders -- just under 50% -- hear the word "Standard.''

Another 49.99% hear "Omni.''

According to leading psychologists, the breakdown seems to fall along personality lines...

The Standard people are outgoing, gregarious, and anxious to connect with others in a positive and caring way. They are intelligent, humorous, and full of good will.

The Omni people are somewhat more withdrawn, but will answer the call of others when needed, and are selfless in their concern for the well being of plants, animals and people. And, like the Standard folks, they radiate warmth and intelligence.

Most likely, you fit one of those two categories.

The remaining 1/10 of 1% hear the word "Vespa." This is the troubled sector of humanity, for whom help is of little value...be it either personal counseling or pharmaceutical in nature. As we speak, these dregs of society are being rounded up by totalitarian tech firms and shipped off to "readjustment camps." If you fall in this rare category -- thankfully, the odds against that are roughly 1000 to 1 -- you're advised to seek shelter immediately.

11 comments:

tuskedbeast said...

I'll see you in hell, Gross!

Paul Gross said...

WTF? I clearly hear "Omni..."

:)

pranaglider said...

When I let the air of my mat
it's always the theme
from Gilligan's Island...
"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip..."

my Mom was right
I sat too close to the TV
and it's ruined my brain...

Paul Gross said...

Stoked 23 Breaths is alive and kicking again!


PG

Robert Pollard said...

Oooommmmnnnniiii.....so soothing...how do I put this on a loop?!? ;)

PVC's Blog said...

Sounds like Adam to me ... hahahahahaha

Oily..

Geoffrey Levens said...

Mine always smells like sulfur and when I hold a lit match near the valve, the out gas makes a blue flame. Hmmmmmmm...

cherlita said...

Haha! Big smiles, Paul. Ooooommmmniii Looootuuuussssss
Peace, love and joy!

Mat Max said...

What does it mean if you hear Mini? Max

H.G. Ward said...

Time to rework the math for the most despicable 1%. They are always grinning and have a somewhat glazed over look in their eyes and they will run you over and laugh about it. I am pretty sure I heard Fatheeeeeeee.

Robert B. said...

My Fatty-Cat prototype #3 sounds very similar my wife’s Standard. She says it handles similar, and my wife can handle both those mats more proficiently than I can. She introduced me to mat surfing.