Mat Max's Theory of Everything
As I am now suffering a severe existential crisis I am seriously
questioning the relativity of things. For example I have seven mats and
must employ a double-blind scientific comparison in order to choose
which one to ride. Lo and behold, I always make the right choice,
because they all work great! The same goes for inflation. Statistical
analysis shows that the larger the surf the more air volume is required.
And also the smaller the mat.
You don't have to be Albert Einstein to
come up with your own E=mc2 Theory of Surfmatting Relativity to make the
most of your quiver. The key element to this stunning intellectual
inquiry is to have a mat in the first place to experiment with. To sum
up my theory on the relativity of things, I calculate that if everyone
on Earth bought a 4GF, Gloria and Paul would earn 8,000,000,000 x
$360.00 which equals $2,880,000,000,000.00, making them the richest
people in the world! Take that Elon Musk, Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos...
So, let's all get out there and convince everyone we know to purchase
their own Paul Gross creation in order to drive eight-billion worldwide
sales. Everything really is the all the same but different. Thus, now
that you are completely confused by this drivel and bollocks like I am,
get out in the water, and come up with your own bogus pseudo-scientific
rationale for not going to work on a sunny day. Blind them with
science!!!
Max